My evening would start at a classy, swanky night club around seven pm. I am here because I left my watch the previous night where my best friends’ bachelor party took place. At the club I meet Anne Hathaway where we get to talking, having a grand time until we decide to move the party. We head to my Lamborghini Aventador parked out front and hop over to some fancy restaurant, some place with valet and a garden out back. After dinner we make our way back to my place for a movie. Fast forward three hours later, she’s snuggled up against my arm and dozes off, at peace with the world, having found the perfect man.

Then I don my mask and cape to fight crime because I’m the motherfucking batman. 

I’m going to become a research scientist that specializes in sleep. Dreaming, what goes on in our brain and body while sleeping, why it’s necessary for humans, etc. It’s going to be a dream job, and I’ll enjoy getting to take my work to bed. Since it’s best in long term relationships for companions to have common interests, I’ll marry a prostitute. 

and my professor doesn’t even know it.

I’m what you’d call a “badass.”

So I consider myself a strictly social smoker, meaning I only partake in the utilization of cigarettes on the rare occasion that I’m with other people who smoke. Considering, however, that I’m around these people mostly when I’m drinking, I’ve also created a connection between drinking and smoking. So since I’m drinking now, I decided to utilize one of the cigarettes I acquired a couple of weeks ago, because I enjoy the very occasional cigarette despite the detrimental side effects. During my short, thought provoking, smoke, I realized that my mood and habits while slightly inebriated are, from my an objective standpoint, closer to the person I want to be on a regular basis than my sober self. Disregarding the numerous and serious side effects of alcoholism, I wish I experienced the upsides of being slightly intoxicated (or “buzzed”) at least most of the time. I’ll have to experiment with this more before I can, hopefully, take the upsides of being drunk and apply them to my daily life.

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